Of course I'm Here Now, How Inconvenient
by Zaravan
Summary: In which the Author appears in Zootopia, yet isn't very happy about it. He must get home. (SI. Crosspost from AO3.)
1. Chapter 1

A rather heavyset young man in his early twenties was just beginning to regain consciousness from a nap at the city's bus terminal. After having been at college for hours, he had been relived to be on his way home.

Alas, he was not where he was before, this fact became rather obvious when he slapped a hand into a puddle of cold, oily water on the concrete ground. The shock of this sudden cold to his system rudely propelling him into a quick awakening.

In reflex, he slapped his now wet hand onto his scrunched-up expression, causing him to smudge his black-rimmed glasses and having him spit and splutter in disgust.

It had come to him that he was on the cold concrete, compared to the air-conditioned interior of the restaurant he usually got a quick lunch at. Now lightly thrashing about, he bumped his hand against the side of a dumpster and only just managed to cut off a loud curse.

"Ffff- God in heaven, argh! I can't believe i smashed my own damned hand!"

Obviously, he wasn't very happy. And so, with several mutterings of dark nature, he hauled himself to his feet. He quickly wiped his hands on his large black woolen greatcoat, a gift for his birthday. He snatched a cloth from his deep pockets and quickly wiped his glasses.

After replacing said glasses on his nose, he gave several blinks as his eyes adjusted. Adjusted that is, to the dirty alleyway he found himself in. He stood there for several long moments, attempting to comprehend what had happened to him.

His first thought, was that he had been robbed and left aside. His expression twisted, and he became red with rage. But, as another thought reared it's head, he hissed and forced himself to calm. Why would he have been robbed? Had he been carried out while sleeping from a restaurant of busy people? That was idiotic!

After a quick check of his pockets, he found nothing missing. Everything he took was there. His State ID, his Campus ID, his phone (which he had switched off to save power), about six dollars and two more in change, and finally; His precious Playstation Portable, which along with it's charger, he used to alleviate the constant menace of boredom.

Now he was even more confused, if he hadn't been robbed or kidnapped in any way, why was he here? How did he get here? And so, with not too little anxiety and quite a bit of frustration at his current complication, he resolved to find out just what the hell was going on.

And so, wiping down his coat, he stepped to the mouth of the alley and quickly peeked out.

Of course, looking to see large crowds of pedestrians of various animal species small and tall did not to wonders for his mental state.

As he stumbled back into the alley, his back hit the wall and he slid down. Now not in too dissimilar a position he was not five minutes ago, he clasped his hand over his mouth, eyes wide.

After several minutes of introspection, he swallowed hard, and said;

"I'm certainly far from home."

And so his head fell into his hands. And he wondered on his next course of action. Panicking would do no good, afterall.


	2. Or, the one where protagonists meet

It took about five minutes by his mark in order to completely calm himself. Though, it could have been longer, as his own sense of time was not terribly up to snuff.

 _'Obviously,'_ He thought, _'my first course of action should be to calmly, quietly walk up to the nearest perso- mammal of similar size to myself, and ask in a civilized manner about my location.'_

Thus, now feeling slightly more confident now that he had an actual plan to act upon, he slowly stood, and stepped out behind the dumpster he recovered behind;

And immedietly, he felt a small something slam into his leg and fall with a cry of surprise. And our dear Human protagonist looked downwards, rather incensed at who would be so rude.

He was now in eye contact with a small, familiar figure carrying a dirty dufflebag of what seemed to be onions.

Ah, Wieselton. The filthy stained wife beater and sniveling expression could be recognized easily. Well, at least the Author knew where he was. Of course, during this, he'd heard a strong, young voice call out 'Stop, in the name of the... law?' With the end of their sentence puttering out in confusion.

Of course, the Author didn't even need to look up to see who it was, and when he saw the look on the lowlife's face of realization of his tenuous position, he knew he had to act. And, with speed borne of frustration and quick reflexes, he none too gently snatched the Wiesel by the scuff of his neck, and with his own expression twisting into that of annoyance towards a fly buzzing incessantly 'round his ears, the Author sneered out;

"How utterly rude, that you would simply slam into another and not thus offer now apologies."

The lowlife thief sputtered in indignation, and the Author forcefully ripped the bag out of his hands. By now, of course, the Author looked up at a very familiar sight to many back home.

That is, one Judith Hopps, one of two key characters in that film he'd seen a few times. By now, she seemed to have recovered her wits, and strode forth in her bright orange vest, which covered her meter maid uniform.

Striding confidently, if not cautiously, up to the Author, writhing Wieselton in hand, she drew herself as tall as she could and opened her mouth.

"Thank you," she paused to clear her throat, "Sir, for catching that n'er-do-well. I believe i shall take it from here." She finished with a confident smile. The Author raised his brow, and retorted;

"I suppose so, anyways Officer," he continued, shaking Wieselton around rather not too gently, "I believe I am quite lost in this sprawling metropolis, if I could, would i be remiss to ask that i accompany you back to wherever your Precinct is? Perhaps it may shed light on my situation, while i help file any witness reports." He paused, "Or whatever i'd have to do to help."

Judy, the Author thought, seemed not to disagree.

"W-Well, I suppose i couldn't leave someone in need, could I?" She kept smiling, though now it seemed to stretch. "So yes, of course you could come with me! I'm certain that whatever you need help wi-"

"Ah!" quickly interrupted the Author, "Forgive me! I haven't even given my name, have I now?" slightly bowing his head, and still with his hand in a painful grip around Wieselton's scruff, the Author introduced himself. "I am Armand, at your service." He smiled, straightening his back and puffing his chest out proudly.

Judy smiled back, glad to be in a conversation with someone who would treat another with actual respect. She blinked, and suddenly realized that they would have to hurry back in order to book this attempted thief.

As Judy beckoned, Armand followed, the scruffy thief in one hand, and bag of stolen goods in the other.

The small bunny seemed proud of herself, while the dear Author slowly adopted a look of serious introspection.

 _'If only they all knew what awaited in the future. If anything, i should help however i can.'_ he thought, determined. _'I am no coward.'_


	3. Or Those who despise cowardice

It was certainly a surprise when Armand had shown his face alongside Hopps, with a thief in one hand and a bag of stolen goods in the other.

Many an Officer and mixture of suspects and witnesses turned to look with not too little confusion when they arrived. Though this was likely towards him, he paid little mind.

He did not even wait for Judy to say anything, nor begin introductions when Armand simply strode with purpose up to the front desk. Once he had reached it, where one could see a rather overweight cheetah; He cleared his throat while Clawhauser stammered out a greeting.

"I would suppose that you would like to take this filthy thief into custody, or shall i simply let him down?" He said, voice laden with sarcasm. Judy had quickly caught up by this point, ready to diffuse the situation when a bellowing voice echoed about the room.

 _ **"Hopps!"**_

For a moment, Armand swore he'd had seen a (however momentary) flash of fear on the bunny officer's expression, before she sighed quietly and asked;

"Clawhauser, could you help, ah;" She stumbled for a second, trying to remember the Human's name. "Armand here. With booking Weaselton and taking his statement? I've gotta go." She finished, with a rather nervous smile. As the small officer thus quickly moved towards the incensed buffalo's office, Armand and Clawhauser made several quiet, awkward seconds of eye contact.

Armand huffed in impatience, and broke the silence with; "Are we going to do something, or stand here until the end of time?" That, seemed to reboot the cheetah's thought process.

After Weaselton was taken by a broad-shouldered tiger that only had a few inches on Armand, he brushed his greatcoat of imaginary dust, and introduced himself.

"I am Armand, if you didn't quite catch that before; i suppose i am to fill out some sort of witness report?"

Clawhauser seemed to beam at the idea of getting to know a potential friend, and quickly pulled out several sheets of paper while he chattered about. "I heard about what happened on dispatch! Oh, i'm so glad that you helped in a way, I mean, it is our job to catch the bad guys, but seeing ordinary people go out of their way to help warms my heart!" He quickly crossed several X's on different places on the forms. "Now, you just gotta sign here, here, here, here, he-"

"I understand!" Armand said a bit too quickly, his patience tried by the idea of paperwork. "I've dealt with _paperwork_ before, Officer." He sighed, resigning himself to having to bother with certain elements of bureaucracy. "I don't suppose you have a pen?"

After being lent a rather colorful stripped pen by the chubby cheetah, Armand none-too-gently plopped himself down on one of the backless sofas scattered around the edges of the building's lobby.

While he filled out all he could with as many details as possible, it only took about five minutes for him to finish. As he looked up and sighed, he noticed a rather young lioness and a lion cub sitting together not a foot away from him.

The lioness was looking quite miserable, and the cub was looking at his shoes while he kicked them back and forth, his expression that of one who has only now just realized how serious things are.

Quiet for a moment, Armand slowly scooted over next too them, swallowing his anxiety, he asked quite gently;

"Miss, are you alright? You seem quite miserable." The lioness seemed quite surprised that another had bothered to even converse with her, and with not too little surprise at the Author's appearance, she responded;

'I-I ah, please don't call me Miss, i'd rather not be called anything like that right now." Her voice lowered to a whisper, her expression somehow falling further than it had. "I'm not going to _be_ a 'Miss' any longer, not anymore."

Armand grimaced, he had a feeling what she was referring too, but he didn't want to make assumptions. "Forgive me," he apologized, "I didn't mean to be so ru-"

"No, no!" She interrupted rather quickly, "It's not your fault. It wasn't your fault at all, I've just had a lot on my mind, after all."

Though, it was at this time that the small cub couldn't contain his own curiosity, having until this point been blatantly staring at Armand,blurting out: "What are you, Mister?"

"Daniel!" The lioness chastised while Armand raised an eyebrow, "Don't be so rude!" She sighed, then introduced herself, offering apologies.

"I'm Alexandria Kotch, i'm an accountant, and I-" She paused, pain in her eyes, "I _was_ married, until last night that is."

Armand decided to spare her any pains of explaining, she was clearly going through a lot. "No, you needn't explain." He paused, sighing, "I've been there as well, in that _situation_. Don't say anymore if you don't have too."

Alexandria fell quiet, her expression a mixture of understanding and relief.

And it was then, that Armand saw Judy walking with purpose towards Clawhauser's desk.

"I'm sorry, but i have to go, perhaps we might see each other again sometime." He said rather hurriedly, the lioness nodded understandingly, and Armand quickly snatched up his papers and walked briskly towards the front desk. He got there just as Judy snatched an empty glass bottle out of Clawhauser's paw, seemingly using it to get a closer look at a lone photo sitting in a manila folder.

"Something the matter, officer?" He asked as he slid the forms over to Clawhauser, who immediately began leafing and checking through them meticulously.

A grin grew upon the bunny's face, and she declared as she set the bottle down with a 'clink', "Not at all!" And she so leapt down the desk, striding with utmost confidence towards the exist, ready to take on the entire worl-

"Ah, officer?"

She halted rather suddenly, turning to Armand who was just a few strides behind her, her own brow raised in a silent question.

"It seems, officer," He began, "That you are off to do something quite important, and i would like to help you however i can."

"I'm sorry, Armand was it? But you can't jus-"

 **"I insist."** He interrupted, voice laden with steel, "Whatever you're doing, i guarantee it cannot be done alone."

Judy groaned in frustration, she had no time to argue with such a short timetable looming over her. And she simply kept going out the door, back straight, shoulders out.

And Armand strode forth right behind her. His long legs keeping up easily.

Of course, quite the pickle presented itself when they stepped outside to Judy's method of transportation.

"I am _not_ going to fit in that." He said with finality.

Judy could only growl in frustration.


	4. Or, a rather smug addition

It, honestly, had not taken very much for Armand to 'convince' Judy to bite down her pride and requisition from the ZPD's mortar pool. Nor, according to Judy herself, had it taken very much for the officers in charge to approve her request.

After only half an hour of lounging about the front of the entrance to the First Precinct's garage, Armand's head slowly turned to the sound of a large engine approaching.

He had to admit, seeing their 'ride' slightly impressed him. It's angled chassis and black glossy finish, however, brought to him images of Private Military Contractors, and he couldn't help imagining fleets of these daunting, intimidating vehicles packed with 'weekend warriors', Tactical vests laden with ammo clashing noticeably with plain jeans and T-shirts.

 _'Still'_ , He thought as he strode up to the almost tank-like Police Cruiser, _'It'll fit both of us at least.'_ When he realized he had to just about haul his entire body upwards just to reach the door's handle however, he thought it just a tiny bit excessive.

 _'Where it any other situation, we'd be accused relentlessly of attempting to compensate.'_ He huffed as he threw the door open; To the rather comical sight of officer Hopps in a makeshift booster seat of several phonebooks.

For a moment, Armand simply stared. To which Judy replied with a cross tone, "Don't you dare laugh," She harrumphed, as her brow furrowed. Of course, Armand simply clenched his jaw and responded, "Of course not, that'd be rude." He said, before setting himself down with a sigh and closing the cruiser door. "Now, do you know where we're off to? Or are we just out for a Sunday drive?" He added wryly.

Judy sighed, as she seemed to do quite a bit lately, and wordlessly handed Armand a copy of a photo, one he'd seen before. "A mammal by the name of Emmet Otterson has gone missing, and I've been given the case to find him." She paused, adding more quietly, "I won't fail, especially since i promised his wife."

Armand grunted in agreement, before sniffing lightly and adding; "Do you have a lead? I doubt you'd be in a hurry otherwise." He asked Judy as they pulled into the street, the rabbit officer using specially elongated pedals to gas and break.

"I do," She responded, dividing her attentions between the road ahead and Armand's questions. "It might not be much, but it's a start. Even if all it might be is some lousy con artist."

The Author certainly knew who she was referring to, but only offered his own two pieces. "I doubt they'll admit anything easily." "Oh, you just watch." Judy replied, her tone of one who is of the mindset of 'Payback, asshole!' It rather worried Armand, to be honest.

It took and hour or so of searching, Judy's anxiousness not helped by Armand's insistence with asking rather innocuous questions for his own sake. 'How long have you been in the city, what motivated you to be an officer, etc.' It slightly grated at her, but she answered his question as best she could.

It was in the middle of Armand asking about her life 'in the farmlands' that Judy finally found her 'target'. Who, at that moment, was apparently walking a stroller past the mouth of an alleyway on an almost-deserted side street.

 _'Ah, who couldn't recognize that friggin' horrific crime against nature of a shirt that Nick wears.'_ Thought Armand as Judy (rather recklessly) pulled up to the curb and jumped out, running and halting Nick and his 'Kid' in their tracks.

Armand, on the other hand, leisurely stepped out of the passenger side, before strolling up behind the fox. Their 'civil conversation' having reached the point that he could quite clearly see the smug look on Judy's face as she played back one little boast that'd see Nick go down hard for Federal Tax Evasion.

What he'd have given to see the look on that con artist's face, though Armand could still clearly the way his ears folded back; the way his shoulders raised and he stilled almost like stone. When his small companion, Finnick , jumped out hollering like a man hopped up on laughing gas at the dentist, Armand cleared his throat loudly as the short sand-colored lupine strutted away, still laughing mockingly.

Nick nearly seemed to snap his neck, he whirled about so quickly. "Whoa! Hey there big guy, not often you'd see someone like you around," he quipped, falling back on the old strategy of 'snark them into submission'. "Did'ya fall in a vat of chemicals or what?"

Armand only frowned, and his arm with shot forwards with a speed that betrayed his girth, Nick flinched, momentarily thinking he'd just earned a bad shiner before he realized that the Author was waiting for a shake of the hand.

As the fox tentatively shook hands with the Human, Armand introduced himself, "I am Armand, i'm helping the dear officer Hopps here with her case." He leaned in slowly, "I'd greatly _appreciate_ your cooperation." He added, squeezing quite hard on Nick's paw for effect.

"And _dear officer Hopps_ would greatly appreciate that we get going." Judy deadpanned, "Now." Though still intimidated by Armand's vague 'threat', he quickly schooled his features back to their usual, lackadaisical smug self.

"Well," He started as the three walked back to the cruiser, "I know a guy who can help with your licence plate, he can get it done fast too!" He added with utmost confidence.

"See that he does," Armand said as they climbed into the large vehicle, with Armand grabbing Nick by the scruff of his neck and all but throwing him into his own lap when the fox attempted to climb into the passenger seat, making Nick a little uncomfortable; "Just remember Con, it's your neck on the line."

Nick found himself unable to argue as the Cruiser pulled away.


	5. Or, a further strain on limited patience

"I assume we are on our way to the next clue?" Armand spoke up as winding streets packed with an everlasting sea of animals zoomed by. "We are," Judy said as Nick opened his mouth, likely interrupting any smartass remark that was sure to tumble out. " _Mister Wilde_ ," she continued, greatly emphasizing her distaste, "Has seen fit to give us a way to track the license plate that Otterson was last seen getting into."

This was followed by Armand locking eyes with Nick. After a few quiet moments, the Human closed his eyes, nodded, and muttered; "Good."

He said nothing else for the rest of the short drive, the silence finally broken by Nick calling for them to pull into their destination.

"The _DMV_!?" Judy nearly hissed. "Is this a joke?" Though, Nick waited until they had all gotten out of the Cruiser to respond, jumping out of Armand's lap. As the Bunny and Human quickly caught up to him at the building's entrance, Nick turned to them and, arms wide said; "I did say i have a friend here! Don't worry _Carrots_ ," He said, sarcastic emphasis on the nickname, "He'll pull through, he owes me a little favor. You'll get your license plate."

With that, he pushed the doors open, and they all stepped inside.

Armand slightly fell behind as the Duo approached the desk belonging to Flash, he gave a quick look around as he calmly walked toward the sloth's station.

 _'How terrible,'_ he thought. _'Dead, apathetic stares as far as one can see, bureaucratic inertia worsened by the natural sluggishness of their employees.'_

 _'All in all, rather normal.'_ He huffed, as he stepped up to Flash's station, overhearing the tail end of the Bureaucrat's slow sentence.

"I've. Got. It. Right. Here. For. Yo-"

Armand's patience completely evaporated, and, with a quick apology, ("Excuse me.") he, in the span of several seconds, turned the screen towards him, read off of it, turned towards Cop and Con, and said;

"It says the plate is registered to a," He paused, " _Limousine Rental Company_ in Tundratown." His distaste evident in his voice.

Judy blinked and Nick raised an eyebrow.

Armand sniffed, before turning to flash and saying politely; "Thank you for your help, sir."

"You're. Welcome." the sloth said, "Have. A. Nice. Day." Though Armand was already halfway to the door by 'Welcome', with Nick and Judy quickly jogging to catch up.

"That was quicker than i expected." Judy couldn't help but admit. "Even if it was a little rude." "We are on a short timetable, as you said." Armand shot back over his shoulder as they walked back to the Cruiser.

Nick, of course, said his piece. "Indeed, and i'm surprised you didn't even make any jokes at my expense!"

As Armand opened the passenger door, he stared the Fox dead in the eyes and said, "With that shirt and tie, I don't have to." Judy couldn't help but snort as she climbed into the driver's side. And Nick responded with natural quick wit, "I'll have you know," He said, his tone of mock offence. "That this shirt is the finest of it's kind! From a bin, anyways." He finished wryly, climbing into the passenger seat before, again, being picked up and placed into Armand's own lap.

"And another thing!" Nick said as they pulled out of the parking lot, "I'm perfectly fine sitting on my own, I might seem to be a child to someone of your size, but i'm not."

Armand sniffed, before responding, "When you take this case seriously, i'll treat you like an adult."

Nick pretend to think about it, going so far as to hold a paw to his chin, before saying, "Nah, i'm good. Thanks anyways!" He said, fake cheer in his voice.

Judy rolled her eyes in exasperation, but she couldn't help smile at their argument.


	6. Or, a short 'civil' conversation

Ten minutes out to Tundratown proper and Armand truly wished to slap some sense into them.

He'd do it too, if he didn't need to worry about accidentally breaking anything in their small bodies. He'd feel quite horrible for it.

"-is _not_ a 'politically charged case' Wilde!" Judy snapped as Armand chose only now to focus on their argument. "A lot of people up high might be worried about their salaries, but _i'm_ concerned about the mammals that are actually missing!"

"Oh, please _Officer_ ," Nick sarcastically spat back, "Are you really that naive to think that this won't cause a backlash thought the city? Besides, who's to say your missing otter or the others are actually in danger? Maybe they were just sick and tired of living here and they wanted to disappear."

Judy growled, but waited to slow to a stop in front of a jam on the route to Tundratown, which, of course, did nothing to improve her mood. "Otterson wouldn't leave his _entire family_ behind for a vacation!" She said, as she gripped the wheel of the Cruiser tight enough that Armand could hear the steering wheel's cover squeak.

"You'd be surprised." Nick all but hissed, his pessimistic worldview bleeding into his tone. "In fact," he continued softly, "I'm starting to think that your boss hoisted this 'case' on you as an excuse to get rid of an egotistic little-"

Right that's it.

 _ **"ENOUGH!"**_

The Command instantly silenced them both, the steel behind the words rendering them quiet, and the volume leaving a faint ringing in both their ears. As both slowly looked towards the Human, Armand's expression was momentarily one of sheer ** _rage_** , before he quickly took a deep breath, and calmed himself. And it was as if that terrifying expression was never there.

Utter silence permeated the very air in the Cruiser, even the white noise of the city and traffic seeming to dim but for a moment.

"We are getting nowhere arguing like this," Armand said after a long moment of silence, "Every moment we waste, is another moment lost to even find them _alive_." Both Cop and Con seemed to shrink in on themselves at the emphasis on 'alive'.

"Back home, seeing this kind of thing, with so many going missing in so short a time, meant the work of _slave traffickers_ , and _demented serial killers_." He spat with disgust. "If we don't get our asses in gear, _**we might not even find whatever pieces are left**_."

He became very quiet, even Judy could hardly hear him breathe.

"Let's go." He finally said. With Judy slowly turning back toward the traffic in front, and through finding a gap, was able to move into a quickly progressing lane. Nick turned to look out the window, his expression solemn.

None of them spoke.

 _'It was harsh to snap at them like that,'_ Thought Armand. _'And even though i know the Infected are safe as can be, having Nick and Judy motivated with the knowledge of the worst-case scenario will give them the extra motivation.'_


	7. Snowfall

As the cruiser slowly pulled next to the entrance, Nick and Judy wasted no time jumping into the cold.

Armand lagged behind, slowly pulling himself out of the vehicle and shuffling slowly in their wake. As they made it to the gate of the Rental Company's compound lot, Judy huffed in frustration as the realization that there was no easily discernible way to gain entrance under legal cause. "Not like there's going to be anything illegal out in the open." she said, eyes narrowed.

"Well then, _fluff_." Nick chuckled, "Looks like you and _big guy_ over here are at a dead end, so if you don't mind?" He finished, holding his paw out, clearly waiting for Judy to admit defeat and hand over the blackmail.

Judy's shoulders slumped, and she slowly held out the pen, before quickly turning and tossing the orange knick-knack over the wire fence. It was a move at which Nick scoffed dismissively, interpreting it as a last spiteful action. And turning towards Judy and Armand with one last, insufferably smug look, he quickly ascended the fence, climbing over in about ten or so seconds, by Armand's count.

Judy had already started digging the second the Fox put his foot in the first gap to climb, and as Wilde slowly bent down to retrieve the Carrot-Pen, Judy snatched it practically right from under his snout. Armand simply stayed on the other side, watching as Judy justified the break-in as, 'witnessing a suspicious individual committing a possible burglary.'

It was complete and utter bullshit, and as the Human thought, the language was vague enough it'd work despite that. He watched as Nick huffed while the Rabbit officer went to inspect the plates on the various limousines, then the Fox turned to him, and muttered, "Heh, she should probably make that 'suspicious _individuals_." Then louder, he called out to Armand in a mocking tone, "Sorry big guy! Look's like you can't seem to get over." As he walked towards Hopps, Nick turned back with his arms wide and said, "Couldn't blame ya'! With all that _girth_ i'd be a real pain to get over, i'd bet."

The shit-eating grin the fox sported could be seen from Azerbaijan. Armand _seethed_. Yet he forced himself to let it go. _'Let them hate him'_ the Human thought, _'I don't care as long as this is over and done with.'_

Nevertheless, he gripped the cold chain-link fence, and heaved his body upwards. He then heaved himself up a second time, and he nearly fell over the top of the fence. As he tried to throw his other leg forward as he all but straddled the fence, he _did_ fall, and landed with a _thump_ on his left side.

His left knee ached as he dragged himself to a kneeling position, and that was likely what took the brunt of the impact. He forced himself to his feet, and his boots crunched through the soft snow as he strode towards the limo with it's cabin lights glowing.

It was when he looked into the driver's seat to see the small window separating it from the back was open, along hearing the voices that he resigned himself.

He heard two pairs of heavy shoes behind him, he did not look, but he lifted his head, and let his shoulders go slack. One set moved to the other side of the limo. And he felt a very large paw clasp onto his shoulder.

He gave no resistance as he was turned to face the polar bear two heads taller than he. Yes, he and by extension Nick and Judy, were caught.

He made eye contact for only a moment, before frowning, closing his eyes and bowing his head. And he said, softly, "I will come quietly."

The Polar bear wordlessly clasped his paw around Armand's arm, and he slowly, firmly yet not needlessly roughly, lead him towards what seemed a slightly larger limousine. No doubt bound for their boss' compound.

By the struggling he heard behind him, Nick and Judy certainly weren't far behind.

It was certainly going to be an awkward drive.


	8. Paranoia

In all honesty, Armand didn't really know how it'd come to this. His heart beat wildly, like a wardrum as one arm was locked around a Polar Bear Enforcer's neck. His other arm was raised high, holding a small black cylinder, his thumb positioned gently on the top.

He could see Nick and Judy held over that cold, death-giving pit that has surely seen countless victims disposed of in a manner that he thought genuinely cruel. All eyes were on him, utter and tense silence pervading the room that made the heart of the Big Compound.

Of course, it was his fault, this tense atmosphere. You see reader, Armand had realized on the way here that he didn't know exactly _when_ he had intercepted Weaselton, that is, before or after Judy saved this diminutive Boss' daughter. And so, in a moment of panic, he'd declared and threatened, with elation borne of fear soaking his tone, that he'd level the building with the satchel charges wired to his body.

 _"Daddy!"_

Oh dear, and here were the moments that would shape the chances of them living.

Sweat soaked his forehead as his chest heaved, he nearly felt ashamed of himself, for feeling this fear at such a critical juncture.

"Ah! Judy! How are you? Daddy, daddy, this is the cop that saved my life while I was out shopping! Now put her down! No icings at my wedding, remember?"

Perhaps, Armand thought as Judy and Fru Fru exchanges small talk, that this was a bit of an overreaction.

The Reception was somewhat tense, though that was a genuine understatement. Most of the smaller attendants and Fru Fru herself were oblivious to this, perhaps for the better.

Armand of course, had politely refused the offer of the tiny slice of cake, then took it when Big insisted. This was to be polite, of course. The guards were noticeably tense, as were Nick and Judy themselves, furtive glances cast toward Armand as he placed the sliver of cake on his tongue and swallowed.

'Yes', Armand thought. 'Perhaps this was a bit of an overreaction.

"So", Nick drawled faux-casually as they left the Compound, "I wouldn't assume anything, but you aren't some sort of fanatic are you?" His smarmy, though tense tone bellied his actual, unspoken question of, 'Did you really pull that out of your ass, and would you not do that again please?'.

Armand coughed.

"From a certain point of view, no."

Judy, of course, ever focused, interrupted. "Quiet you two, we've got a lead, and now we're tracking it down, so the Rainforest district's our next stop." This was said with an air of finality, signaling the conversation over.

The trio walked silently for about the span of a minute.

"We aren't walking, are we?" Armand droned.

Judy's groan of frustration could be heard a block away.


	9. Blood and Rain

Conscious thought returned in increments. The first thought was of dull, spiking pain in his leg. It was warm, and wet. Then again, he was near soaked as he felt warm rain splatter him all over.

He jerked upwards, a near fatal move, as he realized that his upper half was hanging freely over the edge of a wooden platform. He began to heave, fear overtaking him as he shook. Slowly, despite the agony his left leg was in for whatever reason, he began to drag himself backwards, slowly over the course of several minutes, he was able to bring his entire body back onto the platform itself.

It was _exhausting_. And he laid there for several more minutes, afraid to even stand on his two feet. Finally, he took a deep breath, and pushed himself to his knees. He did so with little trouble, though the pain was slightly worse, he thought nothing of it, save that he'd likely earned a few bruises. It was when he attempted to haul himself to his feet and his leg gave out entirely, with a blinding shot of pain, that he realized he was worse off than he realized.

His left calf was bleeding profoundly. That was bad. It looked as if it had gotten a chunk of flesh simply ripped out of it.

A flash of memory, feral eyes and a vicious growl of a cornered animal.

Manchas. That was likely. While the details were still _fuzzy_ , Armand knew that he had to get up.

With pain, and time, Armand dragged himself to a lightpole at the edge of a platform that extended outwards. It was slightly bent, he realized, and the empty cuffs were damning.

He stumbled, and with a pitched moan of pain, fell. The plants near him shifted, and for a moment he feared the worst.

Of course, this worry was proved moot when Nick, Judy, a tall Water Buffalo with broad shoulders that he knew who he was though his name eluded him at the moment, and two officers emerged.

To say that Bogo wasn't happy to see him bleeding all over the place was a bit of an understatement.

The Chief was livid as a Tiger Officer that Armand did not know the name of applied bandaging to his leg, and Hopps seemed all but crushed as he utterly smashed aside any excuses or pleads. It was when he implied that she made up the entire thing was when Armand decided to finally say something.

He all but shoved aside the Tiger as he spoke. "To say that Officer Hopps is lying to cover her own ineptitude is an insult to both her character and her Integrity as an officer of the law, _sir_."

Bogo snapped to face him, and Hopps seemed nearly in disbelief that Armand would stand up for her.

"The opinion of a Civilian that Hopps should never have brought along _in the first place_ is not needed. You're lucky I don't haul you down to the station and have you charged with interfering in police business."

He turned to Hopps, hoof reaching outwards.

"Your _badge_ , Hopps." She hesitated. "Now." The Chief brokered no argument.

Her eyes seemed devoid of hope, as she slowly began to unclip her badge.

Nick, of course, decided now be the time to intervene. "I am afraid sir, that she will _not_ be giving you that badge."

"Excuse me?" Bogo almost seemed flabbergasted that anyone would outright refuse in her stead, least of all a fox.

"You gave her an impossible task, you wanted her to fail in shame." Armand accused. "While I wouldn't put it as bluntly as the big guy here did," Nick smoothly drawled with a smirk and a wink sent Armand's way. "He's right, with no witnesses and only two days to solve this, it's a miracle she got as far as she did."

"I-" Bogo attempted to interject.

"Ah ah ah!" Nick smugly interrupted, "And not to mention, we," He pulled Hopps next to him as he said this. "Still have a few hours until the deadline."

Armand tuned the rest out, and slowly began shuffling in the direction of the suspended cab that had appeared at the end of the platform. He felt a tug on the back of his pants.

"Not so fast, big guy." Armand looked down, to see Nick's smirk. "You got to get that looked at."

"No." Armand said rather bluntly. Stepping forward, he pulled out of Nick's hold on his leg.

He stumbled.

He fell, face first into the worn wood of the Platform.

With a crunch, he felt his nose break. He tried to spew a torrent of profanity foul enough to peel paint, but nothing but a gurgle and blood mixed with spit dribbled out of his mouth.

He pulled his head up, and found Nick, along with Judy looking genuinely worried. "Like I said," Nick sighed. "You got to get that looked at."

Armand said nothing, and looked the Con Artist right in the eye. And Nick, skilled at reading people as always, said, "Don't worry big guy. We'll solve this." And Nick smiled. Not smirked, not grimaced, smiled.

Armand nodded, and the Cop and Con duo turned and moved to board the cable car. Judy cast a last worried glance behind her, at him.

Behind him, he heard Bogo sigh.

"Fangmeyer, I've already called a Bus, help him up and get him down there so they can take him."

Armand didn't resist as the Tiger helped him to his feet, leaning freely on him to take the weight off his leg, he could feel blood stream out of his nose, warm and already coagulating.

He hadn't been very helpful so far, had he?


End file.
